Friday, April 29, 2011

Can't Please Everyone!

I can't please everyone! I'm sorry to the people out there that do not agree with my activities while I am on disability. Maybe it isn't that they do not agree, they just do not understand everything about why I am on disability.

My happiness & my mental health are my top priorities right now. Everything I am doing while off work is for the betterment of my mental health & happiness. I love to write my blog as it gives me an opportunity to work on my focus, that is extremely lacking when depressed. Writing makes me happy, and is very therapeutic for me. I am not going to stop writing just because others do not agree with the activity or what I am writing about.

Out of habit, when anyone questions the way I am, or what I do, or what I'm not doing, I automatically resort to feeling, not good enough. A big part of my therapy has been to work on the damage my mother has done to my way of thinking. With her, I was never good enough, and with this last incident with her, it all came down to not being good enough in her eyes.

It is a tough habit to break, when you have been doing it your entire life. It is a process. I have to stop my knee jerk reaction to want to defend myself. Why do I HAVE to defend myself? I don't. I'm not doing anything wrong. Everything I am doing, I am doing by instruction from my therapist. If I had my way, I would isolate myself for the entire 8 months & do nothing, but that would have been detrimental to my mental health.

People do not seem to understand how hard it is to even do the day to day bare necessities when you are depressed. You have good days & you have bad days. If my therapist didn't tell me to try to get out or have friends over, I would have just drowned in the painful depression I was dealing with, and may never have returned.

It is still hard for me to get out. I'm still isolating myself because it is still hard. I do get out for a daily walk & try to focus on one activity (blog, twitter) for a period of time, but my friends would tell you, I have not been on twitter a lot lately & a lot of my blogs are just shared information, not my personal writing. I try to work on my creativity with little projects, but these projects, that would usually take me 2 days, are taking me almost 2 weeks.

I know being on disability means different things to different people, but being on disability isn't fun at all. Actually, being on disability adds more grief to the already difficult, situation. I know my disability is invisible to everyone & is probably the main reason it is so hard for people to understand what I have been doing for the last 8 months.

I really cannot worry about what other people think anymore, it does me no good at all. My entire life I made choices to please others, it was all about what other people thought of me, mainly my mother. I'm done with this habit. The only person I have to prove anything to is myself. The only person I have to make happy from now on is myself. I will not allow anyone to make me feel guilty for my recent journey. All I would ask for is a little bit of compassion & understanding, even if you don't completely understand. I would do the same for you.

I have made a lot of progress in the last 8 months & I am excited to be finally getting back into the swing of things. I don't want people to worry about me, you know, think I'm fragile or anything. I've learned a lot about myself lately, and have gained a lot of strength through all of this. No one needs to walk on egg shells around me, I am not going to break, I promise.

I'm slowly finding myself again, and I missed me/her as much as, I'm sure, some of you have. Things aren't going to be back to normal, they are going to be back to BETTER than normal. Next step, back to work I go.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Return To Work In The New Future: Change is Good!

I saw my therapist on Thursday after a bit of an absence. It felt good to get back in the routine of seeing her every week, and I will continue to do so for the next 8 weeks, as I plan to return to work, first on a part time basis, gradually working back to my full time basis. I suffered a little regression with this absence from my therapist & a little bit of work needs to be done to get me back on track.

Im looking forward to returning to work. Yes, I am a little nervous, but, who wouldn't be. It has been 8 months since I have been off work. I wasn't even off this long when I had my hysterectomy. The length of this absence is what has me nervous about returning. There is no reason that this should have taken this long. Unfortunately, my hands were tied, and most of my time on disability was waiting for approvals, I would say 50% of the time, was due to this.

None the less, I am looking forward to getting back to the day to day activities in the office. My team is the most amazing, creative, smart group of women and just being around them on a daily basis, always makes me strive to be better, smarter & more creative. I truly have missed that daily inspiration.

I am sure a lot has changed since I have been off. We have elected a new mayor. It will be interesting to see what kind, if any, changes have been made in our group & department, due to this. Before I left we had hired a few more staff members, I didn't get a chance to work with them or really get to know them, I wonder how they have adapted within our team. All in all, I know I will be facing a lot of change upon my return, but change is good from where I am sitting right now. I am ready, with open arms, for change.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Are Thoughts The Source of Ego? (Tolle Thursday)

I am a big fan of Eckhart Tolle. When I first was diagnosed with depression, his book 'A New Earth' was a big part of my recovery from that episode of depression.

It taught me to let go of the past, which is a big part of depression, dwelling on the past. Going forward I will be sharing tidbits of information via videos from Eckhart's book, as there was so much that I learned from this book, that it must be shared.

If you would like to buy this book, click on the Amazon icon on the right hand side toolbar.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Jack Project

The Jack Project will combat the massive stigma associated with mental illness and improve the services for young people struggling with anxiety, depression and thoughts of suicide.

Another great organization working to change the mental health stigma. My thoughts and prayers are with Jack's family.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Encana’s Race Against Hunger

I came across this program on Facebook, and thought it was a great idea to raise funds for local food banks. It is as simple as liking a facebook page and tagging yourself in picture that Encana provides.

The goal of Encana’s Race Against Hunger program is to help raise funds and awareness for local food banks during the spring and summer months when donations typically decrease, despite a constant need in the community.

Through community investment initiatives, Encana is helping find solutions and creating opportunities that support sustainable communities.

Like Encana’s Facebook page then tag yourself anywhere on this IMAGE between April 9-18, 2011 and we’ll do the rest. For every tag it gets, Encana will make a $5 cash donation to a local food bank, up to a maximum of $10,000.

Say Yes

Though you can't say yes to everything, you certainly want to say yes to those things which will move your life forward.

Here is another visual reminder I have created. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed creating it.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Let's Get Social Sunday (BLOG HOP)

What is Let’s Get Social?

Let’s Get Social is a weekly link-up hosted by a fabulous group of five bloggers we call the Fab 5! The Fab 5 includes Bridget of Guide to Smart Shopping, Jennifer of Sweep Tight, Jessica of Mom of all Trades, Tree of Mother of Pearl It Is, and Brandi of Life with Five Monkies.

We created Let’s Get Social as a means to socialize with other bloggers as well as help you gain more followers! You can follow via any social method you like. You can also follow using more than one method and we encourage you to do so! Please be sure to leave a comment letting the person know how you followed so they can follow you back.

To Participate:

-Follow all of the hosts in the first 5 spots. Please leave a comment on our Let’s Get Social post letting us know how you follow and we will follow you back. Please be patient with us as it might take us a couple days to get through everybody.

-After you have made sure to follow each host, follow as many other bloggers as you like commenting on their hop post as you do so so they can follow you back!

-All blogs participating must post about Let’s Get Social each week when linking up. Please include our button using the code provided above in your post. This will help to get the word out about Let’s Get Social.

-Link-up the post you made on your blog for Let’s Get Social. Please link directly to your post instead of to your homepage.

This linky will go live every Saturday at 9:00 pm EST! Direct links to your hop post only please! Links to your homepage, other blog hop, or giveaways will be deleted.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

I came across this almost 10 years ago & it left a permanent mark on my heart & mind. Not only is this an important message for parents, it is relevant for everyone. I hope you enjoy it & cherish it as much as I do. Pass it on!

(Written by a former child [aren't we all?])

A message every adult should read, because children are watching you and
doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the
refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned
that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me
and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there
is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a
friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of
each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to
help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something
should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and
everyone in it and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handled your
responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good and I learned that I would
have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I
learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be
everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of life's lessons that I
need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say,
"Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."

Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher or friend) influence
the life of a child. How will you touch the life of someone today?

Monday, April 4, 2011

The Ultimate Blog Party 2011 #UBP11 - Party Post

Ultimate Blog Party 2011

My name is Candi. I am a 40 year old, single mother of a beautiful 22 year old daughter.
I was a teenage single mom at the age of 17, it wasn't an easy journey,
but the end result is a daughter, that has grown into an amazing young woman, I must have did something right. I love sharing my experiences, adventures & journey I took as a teenage single mom in my blog.

I am also a proud advocate for changing the stigma attached to mental health. I have been diagnosed with depression & find it very therapeutic to share my story with others. Being depressed isn't something I have ever been ashamed of, and in sharing my story I hope others feel less alone & inspired to share their stories too, and hopefully, feel less ashamed.

I love sharing anything & everything that crosses my path & impacts me in some way, be it inspiring, sad, funny or just random thoughts, my blog is a smorgasbord of topics.

Interested in learning more? Click on either the Twitter or Facebook button on the toolbar at the bottom of this page. I look forward to meeting many more bloggers.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

The Origins of April Fools Day

April Fools’ Day, also called All Fools’ Day, in most countries the first day of April. It received its name from the custom of playing practical jokes on this day—for example, telling friends that their shoelaces are untied or sending them on so-called fools’ errands. Although the day has been observed for centuries, there are different explanations for its origin. It resembles festivals such as the Hilaria of ancient Rome, held on March 25, and the Holi celebration in India, which ends on March 31. The modern custom may have originated in France when the Gregorian calendar, which moved New Year’s Day from March 25 to January 1, was adopted in 1582. Those who continued to celebrate the end of New Year Week on April 1 were referred to as fools. The timing of the day also may be related to the vernal equinox (March 21), a time when people are said to be fooled by sudden changes in the weather.

There are variations between countries in the celebration of April Fools’ Day, but all have in common an excuse to make someone play the fool. In France, for example, the fooled person is called poisson d’avril (“April fish”), perhaps in reference to a young fish and hence to one that is easily caught; it is common for French children to pin a paper fish to the backs of unsuspecting friends. In Scotland the day is Gowkie Day, for the gowk, or cuckoo, a symbol of the fool and the cuckold, which suggests that it may have been associated at one time with sexual license; on the following day signs reading “kick me” are pinned to friends’ backs. In many countries newspapers and the other media participate—for example, with false headlines or news stor

Saturday, April 2, 2011

5 Rules To Keep A Strong Friendship


5 rules you should stick to if you want to form and keep a strong friendship with someone, if any of these things start to go missing, the friendship will weaken, like a brick being removed from a wall, and the more of these bricks that go missing, the weaker the friendship will become until it collapses all together...

1. Be Fun: no-one wants to be friends with a moody cow, so make sure you try and be happy and fun to be around for as much as possible. Learn how to entertain your friend and find things that you like doing together.

2. Honesty: It's ok to tell an occasional white lie where necessary, but generally, be as honest as you can, be yourself and don't try to be anyone you're not and most importantly NEVER LIE TO YOUR FRIEND!

3. Sympathy: Learn to know when your friend is feeling upset, what might upset them, and how to make them feel better when they do get upset. Being in touch with their feelings is key to making any friendship work.

4. Loyalty: If you ever hear any gossip going around about your friend, or if another person tells you something that they really ought to know, then tell them! This will ensure your friend that you are always looking out for him/her and will give them the impression that you are their knight in shining armour!

5. Trust: NEVER tell anyone else any of your friend's secrets, or gossip, behind your friend's back! If your friend doesn't trust you- the friendship WILL collapse

Read more:

Friday, April 1, 2011

Need A Happiness Reminder?

Lately, I have felt like I really needed a reminder on what it takes to be happy. Prior to this recent episode of depression, I knew it was my choice to be happy or not, and I always chose to be happy & see the best in everything. Doing this becomes difficult when your days are filled with darkness & you feel like you are drowning & have no survival skills in the real world due to depression. I needed a change, fast!

When I'm feeling down I find doing research & being creative always helps me feel better. So I put my creative skills to work and created this little "Happiness" reminder for myself & would love to share it with you.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed creating it.

101 Ways To Make Other People Smile

A link to this list was shared with me on twitter. I loved it and had to share it with you & #101 says share with your favorite people, here it is:


Smile is the best cure for any mental disease. It shows the victory on your face. Smiling with others is better than smiling alone.

Here are the 101 ways to make others smile. Read each one slowly and savor the thought..

01. Call an old friend, just to say hi.

02. Hold a door open for a stranger.

03. Invite someone to lunch.

04. Compliment someone on his or her appearance.

05. Ask a coworker for their opinion on a project.

06. Bring cookies to work.

07. Let someone cut in during rush hour traffic.

08. Leave a waitress or waiter a big tip.

09. Tell a cashier to have a nice day.

10. Call your parents.

11. Let someone know you miss them.

12. Treat someone to a movie.

13. Let a person know you really appreciate them.

14. Visit a retirement center.

15. Take a child to the zoo.

16. Fill up your spouse's car with gas.

17. Surprise someone with a small gift.

18. Leave a thank-you note for the cleaning staff at work.

19. Write a letter to a distant relative.

20. Tell someone you thought about them the other day.

21. Put a dime in a stranger's parking meter before the time expires.

22. Bake a cake for a neighbor.

23. Send someone flowers to where they work.

24. Invite a friend to tea.

25. Recommend a good book to someone.

26. Donate clothing to a charity.

27. Offer an elderly person a ride to where they need to go.

28. Bag your own groceries at the checkout counter.

29. Give blood.

30. Offer free baby-sitting to a friend who's really busy or just needs a break.

31. Help your neighbor rake leaves or shovel snow.

32. Offer your seat to someone when there aren't any left.

33. Help someone with a heavy load.

34. Ask to see a store's manager and comment on the great service.

35. Give your place in line at the grocery store to someone who has only a few items.

36. Hug someone in your family for no reason.

37. Wave to a child in the car next to you.

38. Send a thank-you note to your doctor.

39. Repeat something nice you heard about someone else.

40. Leave a joke on someone's answering machine.

41. Be a mentor or coach to someone.

42. Forgive a loan.

43. Fill up the copier machine with paper after you're done using it.

44. Tell someone you believe in them.

45. Share your umbrella on a rainy day.

46. Welcome new neighbors with flowers or a plant.

47. Offer to watch a friend's home while they're away.

48. Ask someone if they need you to pick up anything while you're out shopping.

49. Ask a child to play a board game, and let them win.

50. Ask an elderly person to tell you about the good old days.

51. During bad weather, plan an indoor picnic with the family.

52. Buy someone a goldfish and bowl.

53. Compliment someone on their cooking and politely ask for a second helping.

54. Dance with someone who hasn't been asked.

55. Tell someone you mentioned them in your prayers.

56. Give children's clothes to another family when your kids outgrow them.

57. Deliver extra vegetables from your garden to the whole neighborhood.

58. Call your spouse just to say, I love you.

59. Call someone's attention to a rainbow or beautiful sunset.

60. Invite someone to go bowling.

61. Figure out someone's half-birthday by adding 182 days, and surprise them with a cake.

62. Ask someone about their children.

63. Tell someone which quality you like most about them.

64. Brush the snow off of the car next to yours.

65. Return your shopping cart to the front of the store.

66. Encourage someone's dream, no matter how big or small it is.

67. Pay for a stranger's cup of coffee without them knowing it.

68. Leave a love letter where your partner will find it.

69. Ask an older person for their advice.

70. Offer to take care of someone's pet while they're away.

71. Tell a child you're proud of them.

72. Visit a sick person, or send them a care package.

73. Join a Big Brother or Sister program.

74. Leave a piece of candy on a coworker's desk.

75. Bring your child to work with you for the afternoon.

76. Give someone a recording of their favorite music.

77. Email a friend some information about a topic they are especially interested in.

78. Give someone a homemade gift.

79. Write a poem for someone.

80. Bake some cookies for your local fire or police department

81. Organize a neighborhood cleanup and have a barbecue afterwards.

82. Help a child build a birdhouse or similar project.

83. Check in on an old person, just to see if they're okay.

84. Ask for the recipe after you eat over at someone's house
85. Personally welcome a new employee at work and offer to take them out for lunch.

86. While in a car, ask everyone to buckle up because they are important to you.

87. Let someone else eat the last slice of cake or pizza.

88. Stop and buy a drink from a kid's lemonade stand.

89. Forgive someone when they apologize.

90. Wave to someone looking for a parking space when you're about to leave a shopping center.

91. Send a copy of an old photograph to a childhood friend.

92. Leave a pint of your spouse's favorite flavor of ice cream in the freezer with a bow on it.

93. Do a household chore that is usually done by someone else in the family.

94. Be especially happy for someone when they tell you their good news.

95. Compliment a coworker on their role in a successful project.

96. Give your spouse a spontaneous back rub at the end of the day.

97. Serve someone in your family breakfast in bed.

98. Ask someone if they've lost weight.

99. Make a donation to a charity in someone's honor.

100. Take a child to a ballgame.

101. Share this list with 10 of your favorite people!