Sunday, September 19, 2010

"I Believe"

My father shared this with me via email this weekend. It made me reflect & reevaluate my current state of being. Most of this is common sense, but most of us still need to be reminded of these things.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.


 A lot of wisdom here

This will take about 2 minutes of your time, but it is a lifetime of information.
A Birth Certificate shows that we were born
A Death Certificate shows that we died

Pictures show that we lived!

Have a seat.   Relax . . . And read this slowly.

I Believe... That just because two people argue,
It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
It doesn't mean they do love each other.


I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends
If we understand that friends change.

I Believe.... That no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I Believe... That you can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life.

I Believe.... That it's taking me a long time
To become the person I want to be.


I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe.... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe....
That we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs
to be done, regardless of the consequences.


I Believe.....
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing
and have the best time.

I Believe....
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry,
I have the right to be angry. But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe.... That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them and less to do with  how many
birthdays you've celebrated.


I Believe.... That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe....
That our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are, But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe... That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life Forever.

I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same thing,
and see something totally different.

I Believe... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours
By people who don't even know you.

I Believe.....
That even when you think you have no more to give,
When a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe... That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.


'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything they have.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Struggles With My Mind - Part 2

After rereading my last post, I realized it was a little misleading with when my journey with depression started.  When I stated that it began 3 years ago, it was the darkest of dark point of my depression that began.  Rock bottom.

Depression has been apart of my life for as long as I can remember.  I lost a relative to suicide at a very young age.  I saw struggles with mental health issues in my family growing up.  I had my own struggles in my teen years with a couple suicide attempts of my own.

The funny thing is, or maybe it isn't funny, but not once did I ever hear the word "depression" until 3 years ago, when I was diagnosed "officially".  It was only when I was diagnosed that I realized I had been suffering from depression for a very, very long time.  All the years that had gone by with unresolved issues within me.

When I started to deal with these issues from over 2 decades it became too much for me.  It was unbearable, I couldn't breath, I couldn't move and it just kept getting deeper and deeper and darker and darker.  It was the worst feeling I had ever felt in my life.  Unstable. Out of control. Hopeless.

I sit here today and marvel at how strong I really am to have been able to come out of that dark place on the other side a much better, happy, positive & grateful person.  Yes, Im struggling with the darkness right now, but I have every bit of confidence that...THIS TOO WILL PASS.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Struggles With My Mind

As I sit her staring at this blank screen, I'm wondering, what should I say, do I need to say anything...I should say something...I feel the need to say something. Those who know me very well know I have recently gone through a very traumatizing experience in my life, an experience that struck me to my core.  I'm not going to get into the gory details of the events, as the details are not relevant to why I am sharing this.

It is no secret that I have suffered from depression in the past.  I'm hesitant using the words "in the past" as I think this is a disease that you suffer with your entire life.  My journey with depression started 3 years ago, and let me tell you the first 2 years were the darkest days of my entire life.

If you ask the people that have met me in the last year they would tell you there was no way this positive, uplifting & grateful person was/is depressed. It was a long journey, with a lot of tears, anger, shame, and the biggest part of my depression was blame. I learned to let go of things that held no purpose or meaning in my present.  I read some great books that helped me find the correct path for my mental health journey. As of 3 weeks ago I would have told you I was the happiest, most well balanced, grateful person in the entire world.

How can one event demolish all that worked hard to build? I thought I was stronger. I thought I had gained the skills to be able to cope with whatever came my way.  I was wrong.  This event was so traumatizing that I am having great difficulty sleeping, waking up from nightmares, scared to close my eyes, so just remain awake.  I tried to fill my time with constant activity for days to keep my mind off of it..didn't help. The images are still there.

I have spoken with a therapist, it helps to talk about it.  I thought I had talked about it enough over the last 3 weeks, that I had gained some strength from it, until today, my next appointment, and my anxiety level rapidly increased. I'm so torn at this point.  I want to talk about it so I can get past it..but I'm sick of talking about it and want to just get past it.  It is exhausting.

The strength and knowledge I have learned from my journey so far with my depression is best described in a quote I often use, "This too will pass".  Even the happiest people have moments of sadness.  A moment of sadness is upon me..I'm glad I had the skills to be aware of warning signs in myself with my mental health. As I have no idea where I would be right now if this happened to me 3 years ago.

I just wanted to share with everyone that people who suffer with depression struggle on an ongoing basis.  Dealing with depression isn't like shutting a light off, it just doesn't go away. Some aren't as lucky as me to be able to know the power you have over your own thoughts.  I have learned this from these recent events..even though you function in a happy, health, grateful manner doesn't mean you aren't susceptible to the dark side of depression every now and then.  Although, I have found out I am not as strong as I thought I was, I am confident that the skills I have acquired from my journey with depression that I will be bouncing back from these events sooner than later.

Lots of Love
Miss Candy