A Moment of Sadness is Upon ME

I had a really rough night last night, both emotionally and physically. I was up until 6:00 AM. My mind would not rest. I have been feeling excited, anxious, nervous, relieved and sad, at all once.

If you do not know, I will be having a hysterectomy on Wednesday, February 10, 2010. I was originally having the surgery on March 3, so when I received the phone call from my doctor saying my surgery has been pushed up, I was totally caught off guard, and overwhelmed with confusing feelings, as this meant finality was nearer than I was prepared for.

At first they were going to be doing a Endometrial Ablation (see video in previous blog to learn more about this procedure)which would allow me to keep my uterus, ovaries, cervix and fallopian tubes. As time went by and another review of my symptoms, my doctor thought that the Ablation would only be a band-aid for my symptoms and that their was a huge risk that the procedure would not be successful. She stated that a hysterectomy would be the best option to guarantee a successful outcome. This too was a shock to my system, one day I was having one procedure that was only day surgery, and the next I was having a surgery that would require a stay in the hospital. THIS MADE ME VERY NERVOUS.

So as you see I have had a lot of different things thrown at me a little unexpectedly. Such is life, but it has still been hard to handle. Yes, I am very happy that very shortly I will not be suffering anymore. No more pain. No more spending day after day after day in my bed. No more pills of all kind to help me cope. I will have my life back, which I have been missing for almost 2 years now. Im tired of being bed ridden, going on 4 months now. I miss my work. I miss my day to day activities. The only thing that has me sad, is that the opportunity of feeling a baby move, kick and grow inside of me will be gone, FOREVER! Yes, I can adopt, use surrogacy, etc..but feeling a baby grow inside of you is an experience in itself, that I am very saddened by the fact this opportunity isn't possible anymore for me.

I am a single mother and am very grateful for the beautiful daughter I have, but this is where some of this sadness comes from. I was a teenage pregnant girl at 17 years old. I had, somewhat, of a strict mother, who wasn't very proud to find out her baby girl was pregnant at such a young age. It was "decided" that I would give up this baby for adoption. I attend a high school for pregnant teenagers to keep up on my high school credits. But that was about all that I did that seemed in the norm of a pregnancy. There were no pictures of me pregnant, no one fawning over me wanting to touch my belly, no baby shower (came after the fact). I honestly felt like a dirty little secret in my family. I gave birth to my daughter on July 5. Since I was giving her up for adoption they did not allow me to see her at all once she came out of me. I did get a chance to see her a couple of times once I was comfortable in my bed. On the last day of my stay in the hospital, I called my mother to let her know I was being discharged. I had this huge lump in my throat and emptiness in my heart. At that very moment, my life changed forever! My mother said she couldn't let her be given up for adoption, and the rest is history. But as you can see it wasn't a memorable pregnancy at all. I was looking forward to getting married and sharing in the joyous experience of pregnancy with whom ever I married. Not going to happen now. So I hope this gives you a little more insight into what I have been going through emotionally. Yes, physically I cannot wait to feel "normal" again, but it is at a great price in my heart and soul that I am paying for this normalcy.

Do not get me wrong, I am grateful for the beautiful daughter I have, the wonderful family supporting me, and great friends that are always there for me. I am also grateful for a half decent health care system in place that is allowing me to have this surgery at no cost to me, some people in other parts of the world aren't so lucky.

On a closing note; I will no longer have to be a walking crime scene..a bloody mess. Time heals all wounds. This too will pass. Stay strong, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, even if that statement seems a little understated to me right now. Im hanging in there.

Miss Candy

My 2010 Oscar Predications

I love the movies. I watch all movies, even the bad ones. Im the type who likes to base my own opinion on movies than trusting the critics. Alot of the time I agree with the critics, but there are times when we are on the opposite page.

Its that time of year, Oscar time. I love the Academy Awards! Gives me the opportunity to root for some of my favorite movies of the year. The Academy did not disappoint this year. This is probably the first year that I agree with ALL of the nominations. It is going to make it hard for me to choose who I think is going to win. Not only will I share who I think is going to win, but I will share who I want to win. I will put the word WILL next to the ones that I think will win and will put the word WANT next to the ones I want to win. Here we go:

Best Picture:

Avatar (WILL & WANT)
Inglourious Basterds
Up in the Air
The Hurt Locker
Precious
Up
An Education
A Serious Man
The Blind Side
District 9

Best Director:

Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
James Cameron, Avatar (WILL)
Jason Reitman, Up in the Air
Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds (WANT)
Lee Daniels, Precious

Best Actor:

Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
George Clooney, Up in the Air
Morgan Freeman, Invictus (WILL & WANT)
Colin Firth, A Single Man
Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker

Best Actress:

Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia
Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side (WILL)
Carey Mulligan, An Education
Helen Mirren, The Last Station
Gabourey Sidibe, Precious (WANT)

Best Supporting Actor:

Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
Christopher Plummer, The Last Station (WILL)
Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
Matt Damon (Invictus)(WANT)

Best Supporting Actress:

Mo'Nique, Precious (WILL & WANT)
Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air
Penelope Cruz (Nine)
Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart

Best Adapted Screenplay:

An Education, Nick Hornby (WILL)
District 9, Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell
Precious, Geoffrey Fletcher (WANT)
Up in the Air, Jason Rietman and Sheldon Turner
In the Loop, Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci and Tony Roche

Best Original Screenplay:

THe Hurt Locker, Mark Boal (WILL)
Inglorious Basterds, Quentin Tarantino (WANT)
A Serious Man, Joel and Ethan Coen
Up, Bob Peterson and Pete Docter
The Messenger, Alessandro Camon and Oren Moverman

Animated Feature:

Coraline
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Princess and the Frog
The Secret of Kells
Up (WILL & WANT)

Miss Candy

Things To Do Before I Die (The Buried Life)Part 2

Some more things to add to my list of things to do before I die. My top 15 are ones I would like to complete before August 12, 2010:

#16 - Help build a home for Habitat for Humanity
#17 - Volunteer to do charity work in a 3rd world country.
#18 - Attend a Tailgate party for Stampeders
#19 - Milk a cow
#20 - Be in the Calgary Stampede Parade

That is it for today. Will continue to add to this list until I reach 100. Have any ideas?

Miss Candy

Groundhog Day: Punxsutawney Phil Texts His Winter Forecast - ABC News

Groundhog Day: Punxsutawney Phil Texts His Winter Forecast - ABC News

Things To Do Before I Die (The Buried Life)

There is this new show on MTV called The Buried Life that I absolutely love, it makes me cry and laugh. On this show 4 guys (Dave Lingwood, Jonnie Penn, Duncan Penn, Ben Nemtin) are going across America fulfilling 100 items on their list of things to do before they die. Also, they find individuals along the way and ask them what one thing they would like to do before they die,and they help this individual fulfill that dream.



So far they have complete two items on their list: Attend Playboy Party at the Mansion and Make A Toast At A Strangers Wedding. The Playboy Party episode was hilarious, as they decided to dress up as Oompa Loompa and hide in a cake to sneak in, they were successful. The individual they helped was a teacher who wished he could provide working computers for his students at his private school. The boys heading out on to the street and started to perform for change, all and all they were successful and presented the teacher with a brand new Mac computer for his students. The individual they helped on the episode where the toasted a stranger at a wedding, was a man who had not spoken or seen his son in 17 years. The boys put their thinking caps on and tracked down the man's son. At the end of the episode you see the man on the phone speaking with his son. I CRIED SO HARD!

The man reason I am writing this post is to share with you my list of things to do before I die. I started creating this list last year in preparation for my 40th Birthday coming up in 2010. My plan was to complete most, if not all, of these things in 2010 leading up to my birthday in August. I will post this list here and cross of the items has I complete them. Here you go:


1. Bungee Jump
2. Attend the Warped Tour and body surf
3. Sing Karaoke in Public
4. Get Tattoo to Celebrate 40 Years
5. Sky Dive
6. Attend a Taping of Oprah
7. Attend a Taping of Ellen
8. Get Complete Make Over (trust me I need it)
9. Attend a Stripper Class
10. Learn to Ski/Snowboard
11. Learn to Surf
12. Go Whitewater Rafting
13. Go on a Pub Crawl (never attended one of these)
14. Stay up for 24hrs in Las Vegas
15. Be a team member of a roller derby team for 1 night

I continuously add to this list, but this is where I am at so far. I have not completed any of these yet, as you know, I have been bed ridden for the last 3 months and 1 more month to go. Then look out world, here I come.

Miss Candy