Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Am I Still A Woman?

That is the question that I have allowed to enter my mind lately, since I found out I will be having a hysterectomy instead of an ablation, as my doctor felt that the endometrial ablation would be only a band aid for my problem and may not even resolve my issue. So instead of risking me having to suffering any longer, my doctor feels a hysterectomy is the best avenue to take.

I am an intelligent woman. I know I am still a woman and will be until the day I die. I know it is just my mind trying to play tricks on me and confuse me into thinking I am going to be less woman without my womb. 99.9% of the time I do not let my mind trick me, Im too smart for that. That .1% of the time, has me writing this post.

The most sadness that is upon me is from the fact I will no longer be able to have babies. I had my daughter very young and was dreaming of one day having another child, that dream is no more. Yes, I can adopt, yes there are many different options for having another child. That is not the point. The opportunity to feel something growing in me, kicking and moving will never happen again. I was so young with my first child I did not take the time to cherish those moments when I was pregnant. This is what saddens me the most about all of this.

On a positive note, I am grateful that I will no longer be suffering and will be able to get my life back on track and some resemblance of normalcy. Im very excited that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am grateful that I was lucky enough to experience the joy of pregnancy with my daughter, as I know there are many woman who never get that opportunity. I count my blessings.

Now if I could only get my long term disability claim approved.

Miss Candy

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