Friday, September 17, 2010

Struggles With My Mind - Part 2

After rereading my last post, I realized it was a little misleading with when my journey with depression started.  When I stated that it began 3 years ago, it was the darkest of dark point of my depression that began.  Rock bottom.

Depression has been apart of my life for as long as I can remember.  I lost a relative to suicide at a very young age.  I saw struggles with mental health issues in my family growing up.  I had my own struggles in my teen years with a couple suicide attempts of my own.

The funny thing is, or maybe it isn't funny, but not once did I ever hear the word "depression" until 3 years ago, when I was diagnosed "officially".  It was only when I was diagnosed that I realized I had been suffering from depression for a very, very long time.  All the years that had gone by with unresolved issues within me.

When I started to deal with these issues from over 2 decades it became too much for me.  It was unbearable, I couldn't breath, I couldn't move and it just kept getting deeper and deeper and darker and darker.  It was the worst feeling I had ever felt in my life.  Unstable. Out of control. Hopeless.

I sit here today and marvel at how strong I really am to have been able to come out of that dark place on the other side a much better, happy, positive & grateful person.  Yes, Im struggling with the darkness right now, but I have every bit of confidence that...THIS TOO WILL PASS.

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