Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
The time has come where I have finally gotten in to see a therapist that has been referred, not by my doctor, but my disability provider.
I learned a lot from my last therapist, whom was also referred by my disability provider, but they feel a change may be needed due to my recurrence happening so soon after my last episode.
Of course, I am full of all kinds of anxiety. The thought of "starting all over" with someone new, isn't appealing to me at all. Yes, revisiting issues I have dealt with will be easier to cope with, but I'd rather not visit them at all and just focus on the things that are causing me the most grief at the present moment.
My new therapist is a male. This too is causing me a great amount of anxiety. I think it has to do with the fact that most of my current issues are very personal, FEMALE issues. My "emotional self" can't stop thinking, "he just won't understand". My "intellectual self" knows this not to be true. A different perspective could be good. Change is good, just not always easy.
It has been some time since I have been off work and dealing with the emotions and anxiety by myself. This too has me very scared. The hard, fresh, emotions I was feeling 7 weeks ago, do not feel out of control at the moment. I know, as soon as therapy begins there will be an intense & eruptive release of every thought, fear, tear & anger I attempted to cope with myself. This extreme release is very frightening. I know I will feel like a slight weight has been lifted off of me after, but it is still part of the journey that is very unpleasant.
In the long run, Im wondering, will this change be a good one? Will changing therapist at this point just make my journey go on longer than I would have ever expected? Im just ready to move forward, and do not want any more delays.