A Holiday Recipe

You'll need the following:
1 cup sugar
1 cup water
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 bottle whisky

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Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup & drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another cup. Turn off the mixar. Beat two leggs and addd to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the dried frust gets stuck on the beaters pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn on the cake to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out the window. Check the whicky again and go to bed.